1. Try wearing whiskers. Whether it’s Guido Fawkes face-fuzz or a full-blown bushy beard, only experiment with your facial hair while you’re young enough to get away with it. Otherwise you’ll resemble the sort of bloke who rummages in bins for used Today
  2. Invent something. Steve Jobs was 21 when he founded Apple, so get your skates on if you want to invent something that changes the world. Maybe sit under a tree in the hope you discover a successor to gravity. Or go online and steal someone else’s idea. Easy.
  3. “Sleep” on a beach. Be it Koh Phangan or Siloso Beach, nothing puts you more at one with the elements than having a rave on a beach that goes on until dog walkers find you the next morning and assume they’ve found a washed-up corpse — albeit one covered in a mixture of fluorescent paint and Jägermeister.
  4. Pretend to be a ladyboy. Because tucking your bits inside your legs “for lols” is fairly amusing when you’re young, but not so much when you’re 35 and in the changing area of a public swimming pool.
  5. Be a festival idiot. It’s a rite of passage to wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care or strip down to your Speedos at Zoukout. But do it while you’re young and single: No toddler wants to see their dad dancing with a coconut tree at 7am when the beach party finished days earlier.
  6. Pose for an iconic pic. No Facebook profile is complete without a snap of you dickishly “pinching” the Eiffel Tower, “pushing” the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or covering your bedroom with photos of your ex. Actually, maybe not the last one.
  7. Finish The Wire. People are only going to keep on asking you, aren’t they? It’s now more acceptable to be a virgin in your 30s than it is to have never seen any of the major HBO sagas, so get on it. See also: Breaking Bad , Lost, anything else that hottie at work keeps going on about.
  8. Join a club. From fortnightly five-a-side to a weekly photography club, a bit of male bonding gives your life a sense of purpose. Just don’t accidentally join any death cults — you never know what’ll happen at a Warhammer meet-up.
  9. Poach an egg properly. Be the master of this one fiddly thing in the kitchen and women will forever think you’re some sort of Gregg “I’m tasting strawberries” Wallace/Gordon Ramsay sexbot. Clue: Vinegar’s the key (to the eggs, not the sex, obviously).

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