When you don’t care about something your partner’s passionate about
Being in a relationship with someone with whom you have a lot in common is a good thing but you definitely don’t need to be like two peas in a pod in order for the two of you to be happy. However, if your significant other is deeply passionate about something you’re not nor will you ever be, you might want to keep your mouth shut.
According to Robyn, your honesty can be interpreted in the wrong way and might come out as criticism. More than that, “decreasing or ceasing involvement in pleasurable activities can fuel resentment toward you and the relationship,” says Ritu Reimer, MA, LPC, a licensed professional counselor.
Whether or not you find your spouse’s friends attractive
Yes, there might be people out there more attractive than your significant other, even among his/her group of friends. But should you tell this to your partner if he/she asks what you think about his/her friends? If you want to maintain harmony and peace in your relationship and group of friends, the answer is a big fat NO.
“You need to weigh out how much the lie would benefit a person or a relationship versus how fessing up to the truth might be irrevocably harmful,” says psychotherapist Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed., LCSW, practicing in southwestern Florida.
When you dislike your in-laws
“No matter how frustrating, annoying, or overbearing your partner’s family might be, your partner isn’t the person to complain about it to,” says Mahalli, who points out that constantly lamenting about disputes with your partner’s parents, even minor ones, “means that you’re probably asking for an argument.”
Unless it’s something that truly jeopardizes your relationship with your partner or something that cannot be tolerated, like an abusive behavior towards you or your significant other, you might want to discuss your discontent with a friend instead of criticizing your mother-in-law in front of her son.
Why you’re not closer with someone
No one is universally likable, and that’s ok. When it comes to certain people, it’s just impossible to form a closer relationship, despite your best efforts. It’s just not working. While you are not obligated to be friends with someone who’s not your cup of tea, voicing your reasons might not have a positive outcome.
Instead of coming up with a never-ending list of flaws and shortcomings, just say you don’t know that person very well. An innocent white lie never hurt nobody. More than that, “limit the length of intersections with certain people, choose settings that are less intensive, and take short breaks during interactions,” recommends Bay Area clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD.
